Walks with Wes

There were many nights during the later part of my pregnancy when it fell to me to walk Bubba.  Usually these were nights when Stevo was working.  I would come home from crossfit, cook dinner and eat it, and then just before bedtime I would take Bubba out for a spin around the block.  It was usually quiet and cool by that time.  It was during the summer the so sun would just be setting.  I would walk around the neighborhood, still in workout clothes or maybe scrubs, listening to podcasts and contemplating all that was happening and what was yet to come.

Last night Stevo was working and it again fell to me to take Bubba out.  This time Wes was no longer conveniently located inside of my womb, so I had to load him into the Ergo.  He was initially somewhat fussy but calmed when I started walking.  Walking in the quiet, dark streets holding the dog's leash with the protuberance of the baby in the Ergo in front of me brought me back to all the walks I took while pregnant.  And I missed it a little bit. 

There is something so incredibly exciting and mysterious about pregnancy.  The unknown, the waiting, the expecting.  I don't think I appreciated at the time.  I was working so much and wary of being that pregnant lady, so I basically pretended that I wasn't pregnant and just got on with life.  But when I was walking alone (well just me, the belly and Bubba) and everything else was quiet, the sweet sense of expectation crept in.

At the time, I considered it somewhat of an imposition to have to walk the dog on top of all the other things I had to take care of in an average day.  But in retrospect it was a beautiful time.  And last night, walking with Wes and feeling him squirm and sigh next to my chest instead of in my belly, I thought, this is what I was expecting.   And then I made myself cry with my own sappiness.